I might just snap one day-- might just.
Let me tell you what I am feeling at this very moment and very second. I feel never ending frustration and stress weighing over my body and there is no way, no possible way that I can get rid of them. It is somehow just something that has been inside for a very long time; just like something that grew within me since the day I came into this world.
The deeper I go to find the solution to this problem, I just became even lost with myself. Like, who I am? Why am I feeling this way? To satisfy no one, I am gonna simply state, I am bending towards the ground and I might snap myself due to the weight behind me. Eversince I started this year, nothing just nothing went according to my way and why is that? I just felt everything smacks into my face.
From life to dreams to education to hopes-- expectations, you name it. I am having doubts. Doubts within me and I could not stop questioning myself. What is there that I want? Can I do this? Do I-- Just fucking questions running through my head.
They say over-thinking drives you crazy right?
I am just simply crazy as I am right now.
I am writing this post with the hopes of these things could get out of my chest because I felt, I felt that I have been keeping this for too long. Yes I did sought someone to let it out but heck, these feelings and question-- they knew no meaning to die from my head and heart. They bother me every second of my life. I felt like a total failure and I began to question myself. Why everybody can, why can't I?
I tried to satisfy myself by moving forward by moving at the same velocity with others but I felt that every step that I took, people are ahead of me as if I never tried to march forward. This very situation happens in-- I just don't know.
I want to run away. Run away from this reality of mine that I knew I won't have a blissful time till these damned questions leave my head but I knew it is a long time term for me to settle down from this horrid period of time I am leaving.
I just don't know.
