Anyways, here I go.
Breathe in, breathe out. You have been running with all your might, haven't you? Have been chasing your emotions that have been fleeting- You are so afraid that you will forget your first spark, the way your heart beats violently and that very moment when your breath hitched when you hear him speaks for the first time; You love it all, you treasure all of them that you don't want to lose them. But then... you have lost it, right?
It starts when you begin to reminisce the days. You begin to wish on how nice would it be if the lost cycle will find its way back to both of you when you held his hand. You start to wonder: where is the warmth that kept you awake at night? Where is the heart beat that makes you giddy and nauseous whenever your eyes matched his?
Where are his glimmering eyes filled with love and dreams; where have they gone to? You don't know, you don't want to know because you are aware that it will bring you scars but you want him forever.
Which is why you started running.
You dashed your legs, becoming a sprinter in hope to cage down the feelings that you cherished so much because he meant the world to you that heck! If he wants you to chant his name a thousand times, you fucking would until your lips turn blue. That is how much you love him.
Then again, you have grown tired, right?
So tired that you have no clue on what do, having no slightest idea led you to cry yourself to sleep at nights. You are fully equipped with the knowledge that he tried too which is why it hurts fucking more. You seen it with your own eyes that he tried to keep you by his side but god damn it, he is just lost and tired as you are.
"I have loved you, but saying it won't be enough anymore, huh?"
When the two of you laughed over those words that night, realizing that this is beyond salvageable torn your heart to pieces and it is beyond repair. For your heart has become a dust, a small particles that are unable to ensemble itself again.
But you, I don't get it, why are you so stubborn into holding on?
Is it so hard for you to look this way? Towards someone who has been watching over you? Will it kill you? Must have been.
You have loved him so much. Just as much I have grown to love you.
Equally a fool as you are, I believe.
If only, if only, if only.
I could only say: if only.
On the other side of the day, this came around. Heck, I don't know how I came up with this psychopathic writing.
How much have I yearn for your soul to be mine and mine alone.
This greed of mine knows no sins.
Throw me in hell if you must for I will still haunt her as she sleeps, watching over her as she walks.
Derailed, crazy and detached from reality. They called me those names.
I don't mind.
My flaws will draw me closer to her blood.
Then she will be mine.
