反対

As the title itself suggest, it is a Japanese word which read as hantai which in turn means: opposition, resistance or even antagonism.

This word itself suffice to describe my emotion on that day, on that particular event that I had to hear unncessary yapping regarding futures and decision that pretty much was repeated into my ears. The repetition is so severely being restated that my brain was kind enough to bypass each and every single word that was muttered by certain someone that my fingers were quick enough to reach my friend's pen ( in which, that person is Darshvinni and I must say: her pen is the best for writing and it actually tempted me to get one but the price was enough to make me shed blood tears ). In somewhat act of defiance ( 反対 ), I began to write these words: 

Come in and come to take refuge in this sunlight that the Lord has blessed us


Come and find solace while the myraid has been nothing but a soothing ray to cleanse your sin


For when the hurricane comes,
Darkness will engulf you
And do know that it bears no mercy


Mercy is not a friend of an empty void for it is only an angel's weapon, an angel's grace,
To find one in the midst of unilluminated world, it will resemble to look for stars in a stormy night
A stormy night that a dawn might not come for; it bears the name of apocalypse my dear.

So pray to Eos while you can,
Pray,
Human often forget to do so.

It certainly had suffocation tone in it because I was fucking suffocating while had to hear series of lectures in which I knew I should have bailed on. 

As soon as I have finished written that, the series of kvetch has yet to find its end so I proceeded to write another piece. This piece was purely inspired by Fullmetal Alchemist's Brotherhood philosophy. The reason why it is on that tanget? I wasted 5 hours of sleep to watch the anime, well, specifically the last fifteen episodes or so to get a gist of what Father ( Homunculus ) view the world as. I would not say it is a hommage more like, what if I am living in the same way as the universe did. Without doubt, as I am typing this out Shoko Nakagawa's Ray of Light is on the play so I am more hyped! 

 Humans, we are described as the most unrelenting creatures in this world. For what reasons we have gained such entitlement? Should we put forth gratitude to our ability to think? Our fortitude that we often create for the sake of survival in midst of chaos? Or for our ability to come together in building a bond that is stable as a concrete will be and learn to appreciate compassion?

These are humans trait and with this we learned to persevere in this world that God Created with sets of endless rules that gets diffused over time. 

But let me pose a question - just how does one live in this kind of embedded rules? Then what will be of our greed, our envy, our lust, our wrath, our gluttony, our pride and our sloth be? Should we abandon for the sake of harmony? What shall happen to our pre-exising flaws? Or the homunculus, the little human with needs that exist within us? Our deepest desire? Abandon them for the sake of peace?

Is this how human should be? These sets of rules truly made us benovelent, do they?

I often feel discouraged by these disgraced sins. 

I have been devoured by greed to be recognized. Engulfed by the entirety of pride to be upheld to what I am told to be proud of. Tell me, my love, how could I not lust for a love that has been depicted to me of its significant? [....]

 And so it ends there since the bigwit finally let us go. 

If anything, the last paragraph truly describe me.  My flaws are part of my entity. To be told to have such desire often left me felt conflicted and yet I don't want to be seen as this megalomaniac who craved for such recognition but.... the act of getting recognize is indeed soothing in my ears. So, I have to think again and again on what is best for me.